Good-bye Dad

My dad passed away on Saturday, Oct. 29th, 2005 after a long battle with liver cancer. I am in a weird space and preparing mentally and emotionally for his funeral. He was an absentee dad while I was growing up, and in my mid 20's I thought of writing him out of my life. But I decided rather than having life-long resentment toward him, that I would forgive him for not being the dad I wanted or deserved. I accepted that he did what he could. He was going to be my dad for as long as he lived, so I decided to have some type of relationship with him. I’m glad I did. My stepfather raised me, but I will always have only one biological dad: the one that gave me life, and for that I am grateful. Enjoy life; appreciate it, and the people in it that you care about. Don't hold grudges, accept people for who they are, and treat them well.

Major Decisions

I have been thinking a lot about the future lately. Happy with life overall and about to make some major decisions. Will probably apply for graduate school again. I suppose I am an eternal student. I like learning new and challenging things. Getting my finances in order also. Trying to save money, lower debt, and even thinking about retirement. I guess I am going through a mid life crisis of some sort. I want to have a clear idea of what I am going to do with the next 25 years of my life. I'll take it slow for I am sure the right paths will present themselves. I am also just learning how to enjoy and appreciate the present moment. I feel like I have to begin reaching out to family and friends more. As I get older, I notice the number of friends is becoming less and I don't see my family as often as I used to. I know we all get wrapped up in our lives, but it is good to keep in touch and share your hopes and dreams with the people you love and care about. It has been a while again since I made a blog entry. I hear they are all the rage but I still have not gotten really into them. I do however love the whole electronic connection we have to information these days. I am on the internet a great deal. Editing websites, doing research, keeping in touch. I hope to do more of the latter as live goes on.

Low Spirits

I am generally in good spirits, but today find my soul off center. I have had a lot on my mind lately. I am thinking a great deal about the future and its uncertainty has me a bit rattled. Work, relationship, finances, career are all taking a toll on me. I feel a little lost right now. My focus is blurred and I believe I am becoming a bit reclusive. The combination of it all has me in low spirits and I may even say I feel sad. My mind is in conflict with a relationship issue I'm dealing with. And my future profession is in question. One thing at a time, one day at a time. I am sure these feelings will pass, and I'll be in a better place soon, but I have to acknowledge where I am now and hope for the best in the end. I just have to hang in there and create some positive changes in my life and mind. I'm a strong person and will figure it out somehow. I just have to be patient with myself and take steps to get to where I want to go, professionally, socially, spiritually and romantically.

Life is Good

I have not written a blog in quite some time. I originally started with two blogs: this one and one entitled Nuyorican Spirit. I have decided to continuously update the one here, at Centered Soul. I cannot find the other blog so I guess I must have deleted it.

Today, I am feeling good. Life is overall going well. I am in a great relationship with the sweetest person I've ever met. We have moved in with each other as of June 1 and life at home is going great. I completed work on a masters this past May and have begun looking for new employment possibilities. Life is what you make it and I aim to create a good one. This is just a quick update on where I am. I hope to be a bit more detailed about what I'm thinking and feeling in future postings. Life is what you make of it, so make it good.

Career

At the present time my career goals are prominent on my mind. I enjoy my job, however it's not a career. I am searching for a career in which I can put my years of community involvement and communications work to good use. I'm conflicted in which direction to focus my energies. This May I complete work on a master's in corporate communication and am most interested in working for the communications department of a non-profit, government or educational institution. Marketing an organization's goals is of great interest, along with media relations and having an opportunity to hone my writing skills on a daily basis. I would also like to be employed with an organization that is large enough to offer future growth opportunities. I'll focus on communication related positions, though I am not sure if my focus should be general marketing and interpersonal communications, media relations or writing/editing. The theory here for me is to focus on what I want, and visualize it until it materializes, however the challenge is not being fully sure of what type of position to create for me in my mind. I'll continue to put the good energy out there and hope that the universe will bring me what I need.

Good Spirits

The end of the year finds me in good spirits. I am done with my part-time semester course work. Social activities are around me and I am having a wonderful time getting to know a very sweet and loving person. Possibly the most beautiful person I've ever dated; kind, smart, funny, spiritual, sexy and very attractive. I am truly blessed. We celebrate our fifth month of dating tomorrow and I look forward to enjoying the new year. It is wonderful to finally meet someone who accepts and respects me for who I am. I appreciate my life and thank the universe every day for it.

Love?

It was a good summer. Very relaxing. The best part of it all was meeting a nice person. We are getting to know each other and I am enjoying the time spent. I am trying to just be me, but some old memories of past failed relationships creep up on me from time to time. I have to remember to leave them where they belong: in the past. But this is not always easy. Knowing and trusting someone again is hard work sometimes, but I am sure things will be just fine. I just have to keep putting effort into it and keep the lines of communication open and be as honest as possible. I get a great sense and feeling about this one, and I aim to give it my all.

Professional Path

I like my present job. It's a worthy cause within a socially conscious not-for-profit minority health advocacy organization. Though I wonder what my future professional life will look like. I have several options, but need to decide in a course of action to obtain the right position. I continue to plan the course. I have one more year left of work on my masters in corporate communication. I hope the degree will provide me with more opportunities. I also consider going into business for myself, but I'm not quite sure exactly what type of business I should get into. What I have decided is that I will continue to keep my eyes open for communication related opportunities in the not-for-profit sector. I am sure the right job will eventually come my way. For now I am content where I am. It would be nice to find that one position in a worth-while organization where I can see myself retiring or making a long term contribution to an organization and/or its message. Who knows though. Sometimes we end up where we least expect. I'll keep you posted as I go along my professional path.