Friday, June 27, 2003


Life is not easy. For some people, it's a constant battle of self-acceptance. For others, it's an ongoing attempt to gain recognition from people in their lives. This weekend a group of college friends are getting together to remember a friend of ours who took his life in March. His life was full of drama. He always seemed to have something troubling him. He disowned his family and may have felt like a failure for not reaching his professional and personal goals. He must have been in a lot of pain and could not deal. I miss him. I hope he is in a better place. There are those who live day by day, complacent with what ever life brings. No ambition, no goals. There are those who feel life owes them something. I don't understand them, for life is truly what you make it. And finally, there are those how feel they have to constantly improve themselves, not for the sake of betterment, but because they feel defected in some way, like they are not enough. No one of course is perfect. But accepting oneself, flaws, limitations and all, is not the easiest thing to do for some people. So much energy is lost in this personal struggle. So much mental effort wasted. What causes one person to feel good about their overall lives and what causes others to feel less than? Family upbringing? Societal pressures? Self perception? Chemical imbalances? I don't claim to know. I have my own challenges and demons to deal with. But I'm a good person overall and don't feel like I need fixing. I make the best out of what life brings. Everything happens for a reason, there are no coincidences and you can always find the silver lining in all short comings in life. I know my time on this Earth is limited and I hope to live life learning more about myself and connecting with the higher power of the universe. I am a strong person, thanks to everything I have faced in my lifetime. If my life was to end tomorrow, I had a good one. I hope I can continue to live a good life, and be an example for those who find life to be a constant struggle.

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

Making a Difference

I try to live my life making a difference when ever I can. I believe the more you give to the world, the more you get back. Giving can be as small a thing as helping a woman with her baby stroller down a flight of subway steps or alerting a man that he just dropped his wallet. Little things like that go a long way. Karma is real, and the more positive energy, acts and thoughts I can put into the world, the better my life will be in the long run. I don't do good deeds for recognition or to get something in return. I just feel it's the right thing to do. I don't always do the right thing, but I try as often as I possibly can. The most important thing for me is not purposely deceiving or hurting people. Of course I have hurt those I love, have loved or thought I have loved, but there has never been a malicious intent. Sometimes I just have to go with my instincts about what I think is best for me in the long run. I follow my gut feelings when ever I can these days. I can't save the world or everybody in it, but I try to make my little contributions here and there when I can.

Friday, June 13, 2003

Accidental Death

An 18 year-old cousin of mine was killed in a vehicle accident last month, triggering many questions about life, death, and my purpose here on Earth. He was such a cute kid. Great smile, very personable. My mother told me lots of people came out to his funeral in Puerto Rico. She and others in my family were quite surprised by the number of people who came out to pay their respects. He was greatly liked and admired. My aunt, of course, was devastated. In shock for the first few days and then questioning why God had taken her son. There's no easy answer to that question. His death has surely changed everyone in my family. His death made the uncertainty of life crystal clear to all of us. Maybe his purpose in this world was completed? Maybe he has a higher purpose where he is now? Maybe his death is suppose to teach me, his mother, and my family in general something? Maybe his death will leave a lasting impression on every one who knew him? I did not get to know him well, but I will always remember his handsome face and that bright smile. Death is part of life and we just have to accept that our loved ones will leave us eventually, or we may leave them first. I just have to remember to cherish each day and make a difference in the world every chance I get.

Monday, June 09, 2003

Finding True Love

Love. Elusive. Here, then gone. I have tried to find love, and have let love find me. However, I suppose I have not found true love, for it disappears faster then I would hope. I wonder if I will ever truly meet my soul mate. Have I found love and lost it? Or will a new found love show me the way? Love is confusing. Sometimes I feel it doesn't exist. Or maybe I have not experienced profound love in my life as of yet. Love for myself is primary for without it I have none to give. Maybe I've never been ready for it. Maybe I'm still not ready. But I have to be open to it. Open to the grand possibilities that come along with it. Maybe I'm destined to be alone, to be eternally single. If it never happens for me, would my life be empty? Or do I really have the power to make my life whatever I want it to be? Love. What a concept. I don't even know what it is. Maybe someday I will love another human being, unconditionally. No matter what may come, I will continue to find new ways to appreciate who I am and love myself more every day for self-love is truly the greatest gift you can give yourself.

Friday, June 06, 2003

Challenges of Life

The difficulties and challenges of life sometimes weigh us down and make us wonder what's it all about. The meaning of life and our purpose on Earth is an ancient question, with very few clear answers over the ages. We have to find our own meaning in life and our own mission. My life is no different. I have faced many challenges and will continue to do so through my journey. However, I try to find the strength within to get past difficult obstacles and find the silver lining in all tragedies. Life is a struggle. But if I focus on the bigger picture of why I'm here and what I hope to get out of my experience in the world, major barriers seem less significant. I've created this blog to jot down my personal thoughts about life's struggles and challenges and what I have and will continue to learn from them. There is no one way to go through life. This is just mine.